2009

welcome back..
after like such a long time..
its has been like what..
almost half a year since i've blogged..
what has happened..
what have i done..
what has changed..
i guess..
everything single thing..

nothing remains the same after sometime..
people are always moving forward..
always adapting..
always changing..

since i've started working..
i am no longer hopeful..
and i no longer fantasize about dreams..
you start seeing the world in a different light..
nothing comes by cheap..
and you have to work hard for every single thing..
then it suddenly dawns on you..
this is what your parents have gone thru..
yet u have never appreciated it..
and always take it for granted..
until u've actually experience it yourself..

why why why..
why have my heart and soul turned into stone..
why have i become so selfish and heartless..
why do i always put myself first..

i no longer feel close to my family anymore..
everyday after work..
i lock myself in my own room..
not bothering about the happenings in the house..
i don't eat with the family downstairs as well..
neither do we talk about our life or our work..

i feel so irritated when papa and mama try to intrude my private space..
yet is saddened by the fact that i can't talk to them anymore..
any conversation seems to be never ending nagging to my ears..
can you guys speak anything to me besides fucking nagging..

i get so fucking annoyed by mei mei as well..
it seems that i always have to buy her dinner..
whenever i request her to help me choose clothes..
it has become a get-something-in-return kind of deal..
until now we still can't decide on a movie to watch together..
cause nobody would ever want to compromise..

i've been confirmed at Deloitte..
at the start..
everything was so exciting..
so much enthusiasm to work every day..
but then it is starting to get boring..
well work is always boring..
if not it would not be called work..

the world seems so cruel as you grow older..
u have to take care of your ownself..
it is as if you are alone in this world yourself..

u wake up..
go to work..
come back and sleep..
and the next day u go to work again..
i wish there is something..
someone..
to help me break this repetitive cycle..

please god..
help me..
hahah..
although i think i don't really believe in you anymore..

* do people dream because it will never come true?
** or are they dreams, because they will never come true?