Bench by the River

i went to my secret spot to think of you today. i decided to get out of the house as my supply is running low. i wanted to see if i could, not think about getting high for a few days. but u know, as i was walking to river, my friend called to say he had new stock. what a coincidence. of course at that moment i was so excited, as the thought of having to suffer a few dry days wasn’t very welcoming.

but at the river it suddenly hit me that maybe god was giving me a test. he wanted to see if i could stop for a few days myself. i guess i failed the test miserably. it was a depressing but moving evening as i kept on thinking about u. i know that nothing is going to happen if i remain like this. but the heartache of possible rejection has prevented me from asking you the question. i've stop loving myself. or maybe i love myself too much. i let myself indulge in this kind of feelings. i want a hope, a dream to give me the courage to change. i need you, you are my dream. i have been waiting 1 year to ask you this question yet i have not made an effort to do anything all this time. have i not done enough to move you? why haven you turn your attention on me? i know i might be rushing things, and u still might not want to get attached so young. but i need u so so badly. I NEED YOU right now.

*i don't blame you for not loving me. which dumb fuck would go out with a no-hope-druggie-piece-of-shit?