farewell my ass

u know.. even i can't deny my own feelings for you..
i might say all kinds of crap.. think all kinds of shit..
but ultimately i still love you deep down inside..
i might try and act all macho.. telling the whole world i'm over you..
but when i heard that u're going to give another guy a chance..
i was devastated.. my whole life suddenly came crashing down on me..
i’ve never stopped loving you.. and i still haven stop..
i am still madly in love with you..
and i know i am the man for you..
but baby i’m so afraid to lose you..
please tell me what to do..

i hate competition.. and i was ready to just give up and cry like a baby..
but i’m also scared that i might not have another chance in the future..
u keep saying that u’re not as perfect as i think you are..
but i want to tell you.. me neither..
there are no perfect people in the world..
except only the ones whom u love and think is perfect..
i know i shouldn’t be afraid.. shouldn’t be scared to get hurt..
and baby i promise u.. i’ll work harder for you..
i’ll change.. and i’ll provide everything for you..
just give me a chance baby.. give me a chance..

*i wish i can call u everyday.. but it is not good to talk for long on your mobile..
i wish u know why i don’t call u at the hostel..
** get the hostel phone please.. PLEASE!!!!!

Women - Rib Bone Extras

on this planet, a peculiar type of animal exists..
they were once timid and kept tamed by their masters..
but they somehow managed to gather forces and gain strength..
men once ruled this planet peacefully and with control..
now it seems that these rib bones animals are revolting..
men did not have to deal with these spiteful and irritating creatures along time ago..
but now after 50,000 years of suppression, they are back with a vengeance..

are all women the same?..
all require so much attention.. and forever are so hard to please…
furthermore they are never satisfied.. with an insatiable appetite for everything
these sly creatures know that men can’t live without them..
yet they choose to play hard to get and make us work hard for it..
damn u women.. i hate u and i love you..

*all the above includes females with 2 breasts and a hole..
except for my dearest sister and mother.. hahah

ice-cream, teapot, little saucer and kaya toast

it's probably too early to say much about u.. but u were always around..
u were never near, never in my life.. but i can't say u were never there..
u always make me laugh when i am feeling down..
u were always there to make me smile when i needed some encouragement..
and u are the only one.. that always replied with so many hahas..

i dreamt of you yesterday night.. and i don't want to forget it..
the dream was kind of silly.. so many things happened and i can't be 100% sure..
we were at some place.. i can't really describe it..
there were alot of people and we were in kind of like a cinema place..
i was straining my neck to look for u as some show started..
can't remember what movie they were showing as i was busy looking for you..
the next moment we were in like a supermarket store..
i was walking down the aisles looking for you again and saw you..
but u seem to be lying flat on the ground as i came over and watched you..
what i remembered next was that i bent down and tried to see if you were breathing..
you weren't.. so i ungentlemanly tried to give you CPR and gave your chest a few pumps..
my lips touched yours as i blew lightly into your mouth..
but the next thing i remembered was that you woke up and sat up straight..
you looked so blur.. i think you were trying to figure out what was happening..
but u didn't scold me or push me away..
i think we were on the floor looking wierdly at each other.. when
my stupid brother came into my room.. hahah..
it was 12pm already.. time to wake up..

so anti climax.. i like to think more things might happen..
hahah.. i wish it did.. but never mind.
i will try and dream of you again..

*don't stop making me laugh with your hahas and sms.. little teapot..

Farewell - The Girl with No Emotions

it might take a lifetime to love someone.. but it only takes a moment to stop loving you..
have i tried?.. maybe not hard enough..
have i changed?.. maybe not to your liking..
have i asked for your love?.. maybe you did not even give me a chance..

does it matter?.. of course it does..
you were my dream.. my hope.. someone whom i knew will make me smile..
but at the same time.. you made me depressed..
you made me feel useless.. small and insignificant..
beside you.. i was always the side kick.. the one that made you look even better..
why then.. did you not look over..
why then.. did you not get the hostel phone..
why then.. did you ask me to do the fucking survey..
it might mean nothing to you.. but it means everything to me..

u know.. i don't want to say any nasty things about you..
cause there is none.. and maybe deep down inside i still have some feelings for you..
but then right now.. i'm ready to start a new life back here..
i've stopped the things i'm supposed too..
maybe not all.. but at least it is better than before..

i've loved you with all my heart..
but now.. i'm ready to completely forget about you..
even your best friend ask me to give up.. maybe you were dropping hints to me all along
it's alright then.. i'm ready to let go..

*it took me 10 mins to delete 200 of your sms..
but only 1 min to unwrap the remaining alphabets of your name..

Singapore - U SUCK!

what is there for me to do now?.. waiting aimlessly until SAF calls me up for national service..
i still have not seen or talk to you at all.. since i came back..
whose fault is it?.. maybe you were right all along..
it was just a crush.. a longing.. a sense of pity..
it was never real..

sigh.. i don't even know what i am typing now..
still waiting to set up the network in my house..
without that.. i don't have internet access in my room..
can't do shit..

anyway i've finished my medical checkup.. got a freaking Pes B..
listen up Private Teh.. you're going to be an officer..

*SO BUCK UP and WORK UP.. PRIVATE!!!!!

如果

人生，让人快乐的是"如果"，让人难过的亦是"如果"。
它注定在生命的旅途中如影相随。看不到， 摸不着，却总会在不同场合，不动声色地突然出现，提醒人类它不变的存在。
人会因为有它而快乐。当现实尘埃落定得没有一丝波动，我们只能借助"如果"的力量逃离当下的枯燥，潜入自己天马行空的设想中，自我陶醉，自由享乐。"如果当时那么做"，"如果那时这么想"，"如果这样那样......"。因为不用负责任，所以能任意妄为；因为终究是幻想，所以特别迷人。我们在"如果"的世界里扮演着另一个人，感受另一种情怀，从中换取那卑微却无限的快感。
但，人也会因为有它而难过。当"如果"的境地如此美好无瑕，对比太狼狈的现在，只会让眼下的一切更不堪。无法重来，无法改变，容易使活在这一刻的人自怨自怜，自暴自弃。因"如果"而生的后悔情绪、遗憾情感，走不出，就会如同一个旋涡，将人牢牢困在万劫不复的痛苦深渊。而后，忽略了未来的路，只停在原点迷失在自我加注的无尽感伤中。
因此，"如果"的存在是既有意义又无意义。它的价值是正面或反面，只能由走进它世界的人评定。如何迷而不失，沉而不醉，才是真正领略"如果"的最高境界。
我们迷恋"如果"给予的万千可能性，特别在脆弱时，带来些许的慰藉；但却要适可而止，不能迷失现实与现在的自己。因为尽管"如果"再美，仍然是追不回的过去。我们沉浸在"如果"展现的多种美妙性，尤其在彷徨时，赠予一些指引的方向；但却要量力而为，不能沉醉得失去了主张。因为尽管"如果"再多，仍旧无法一一实现。
"如果"是无限的，但人只能走一条路。选了就选了，走了即走了，与其贪恋虚幻的"如果"，不如珍惜实在的现实。毕竟"如果"以外的世界才是真实的。

*hi singapore.. the druggie is back..