the gal nobody knew

i am feeling pretty sad right now..
not because i am going to fail the tax exam on mon..
or that i just sent miss xx home in my car..
but the fact that u are slowly fading into my memory..

u abruptly entered my life..
but left before i could even finish saying i am going to miss u..
by fate or by chance..
we should never have met..
and we should never have gotten to know each other better..
look at me right..
if u even know how i am feeling..
i don't blame u for tearing me up inside..
i believe u are somewhat feeling the same way too..
i've lost all motivation to study..
nothing seems to matter..
and u became just another excuse..
for me to remain in this pitiful state..

will u call me when u reach back home..
will u even remember me..
will i ever get the chance to see u again..

u are no more than a passing cloud of desire..
whispering ever so loudly in my valley of despair..
how i wish i never met u..
yet when i close my eyes tonight..
your beautiful scent lingers so vividly in my head..
the laughter and mere seconds of happiness we shared..
are as irrational and surreal as a dream..
yet this dream ends today..
and when morning comes..
all i'm left with is a worthless phone number..
together with pictures that don't mean anything anymore..

* love is beautiful even if it stops in your life for merely a moment..
** for at least it added colours to your world for that instant..

1.57 am

i can't sleep..
it's already so late and i still have to wake up tomolo for day duty..
staring at the can of Heineken i just opened..
i hate beer..
tastes so horrible and bitter..
yet i am drinking it..
hoping it will somehow put me to sleep..

tossing around in bed just now..
just can't seem to fall asleep..
deciding whether to ask miss xx out for dinner on valentine's day..
should i?..
i'm thinking of all the possible guys..
that she might be going out with on that day..
paul, soccer guy, that someone who studied with her at siglap..
kangyang, guys from church, guys i don't know from her jc..
guys who like miss xx that i don't know of..
or maybe she won't even be free on that day..
it is a wed after all..
who knows she might have already planned something with her Roxie gang..
maybe pearlene like last year..
or yummy..
or jolene..
or chen weijian..
or maybe even the guy she's referring to in The Gallery..
haha.. hmmm.. baaaaaa...

i should just sms her something..
just in case she's really free on that day..
yeah i know..
be prepared to be disappointed again..
u know..
it's like the in thing now anyway..
too busy or just not free..
maybe i can cancel out paul from the list..
he has guard duty anyway..
wonder if he might pull off something last min..
and gets shot down by miss xx again..

* evil thoughts.. u don't deserve her..
** u don't freaking deserve a lovely angel like her..