The Man is Coming Back

i left singapore 6 years ago.. in search of knowledge and experiences
now that 6 years have gone by just like that.. it’s time to reflect on the last six years in Melbourne..

Highlights in my Aussie life
Year one – College year.. first time overseas without my parents..
- learnt the meaning of absolute freedom..
- Tricia Tan.. the sexiest girl i’ve ever met in my life..
- over spent on food and clothes..

Year two – First year in uni.. thought I failed a subject – Management
- learnt to smoke.. first stick – Marlboro Menthol Lights
- Michelle Koh.. first girlfriend.. 2 months
- learnt to gamble..

Year three – Second year in uni.. start to skip classes
- gambling debts due to addiction in pokies
- Ching Ling.. second girlfriend.. 2 years
- learnt to take drugs..

Year four – Third year in uni.. started to skip even more classes
- gambling debts due to addiction in blackjack
- strains in relationship due to drug and gambling addiction
- started to question religion and faith

Year five – Fourth year in uni.. do not attend lectures but only tutorials
- girlfriend left for greener pastures and an IS company
- lost control with drug abuse
- looking for answers about faith and god
- Ah Zhen.. she became the girl of my dreams
- learnt to play poker

Year six – Fifth year in uni.. do not attend lectures or tutorials
- mental drug abuse and gambling addiction
- almost could not graduate but managed to Pass 4 subjects with 50 each
- had to sit for a second supplementary exam because i still failed after the first one
- at the crossroad of choosing a new life with Christ or giving my soul to the Devil
- need a new girl in my life to give me hope and motivation

*what a life.. would u trade your 6 years with mine?

i am a sadist

it has been an up and down month of december..
miracles happened.. as well as pain and sadness..

i got so much pleasure from smacking the dog..
and torturing the rabbits..

die u fucking animals..
*DIE DIE DIE...

back to earth

2 weeks.. i was flying high..
i thought i was the man.. everything seemed like a dream..
the money i won at the casino..
u cannot even imagine..

but everything was taken away in one day..
that's the life.. my artifical life..
the pointless things i do..
so what?.. it lasted only 2 weeks..
what's going to happen now?..
u're no more the man.. u're back to ten dollars in your wallet..
what are u going to eat tomorrow?..

i was eating like a king yesterday..
went to the grocery store and spent like 50 bucks..

this is pointless.. i imagined the life without you..
if i cannot be with you.. i would choose that life..
it doesn't matter.. you wouldn't know about it anyway..

u will see me as a ghost.. seeing the things i want you to see..
don't worry.. i will be fine..
at least that is what you will see.. i promise u..
i guarantee you..

Things

Things I have stopped
- gambling
- msn
- playing computer games
- downloading music
- loving you

Things I have not stop
- drugs
- reading NewScientist
- eating Vitamins
- giving up on life
- abusing my body

it doesn't really matter right now..
my transformation to the dark side is almost complete..
don't worry, i won't trouble you with my problems anymore..
*you are not much help or inspiration in my life anyway...

days without you

i've stop crying.. i don't know why..
tears just seem to fall lesser nowadays..
and i seem to shun away from the sad dramas i meant to watch..

why.. is it because of my manic depression?..
i think i have a mild case of bipolar disorder...
nothing serious.. but it seems to be developing slowly into something..
i can feel it.. it feels great..
it makes u feel old.. makes u feel important..
helps u see the world from outside the circle..

it is time to admit.. i don't love you..
not one bit.. in fact.. i hate you so much i never want to talk to you again..
i can survive on my own.. i will recover without your help..
and if i don't.. i will die in my own regrets..
burn in hell for the sins i've committed...
it is over for this lost and broken soul anyway..

*death.. are you waiting for me?..
i am here.. standing right here...