Friday, May 19, 2006

Last 2 Weeks

last 2 weeks of my life was horrible..
it was depressing.. sad and very unmovtivating..
2 weeks ago was all my physical and equipment tests in national service..
i achieved a score of 21/25 points.. but did not get any award..
21 points would have gotten me a gold badge
but instead.. i was awarded only a pass..
this was because i did only 6 pull ups..
i managed 8 but 2 was deducted due to kicking..
for my rescue equpiment test.. i got a Class B..
although only 1 person in my whole platoon got Class A..
i still feel disappointed as i thought i deserved Class A..
many a times i feel that i am happy being a slacker..
comforting myself when i seldom achieve what i aim for nowadays..
compared to many years back.. before i started everything..
before i started all my shit.. when i was still a bright and innocent boy..
what have i become.. why do i feel like shit when i am so shit..
don't u understand..
u're no more that perfectionist u've always been dreaming about..
gone are the days when u were top in everything..
best in all the things u did..
last friday only further confirmed my lousiness and uselessness..
i thought the church outing would at least bring some happiness..
yet i did not even get to talk to dream gal..
u chose to cycle on that day when u already agreed i would teach you how to blade..
i was putting on my blades in anticipation when u dropped the bomb on me..
all i could do was smile meekly at you when u when over to the bike section..
u have no idea how pain my heart was as i watched u cycled away into the distance..
my mood changed and i had to force a happy face for the whole day..
i don't think u can ever imagine that feeling...
i almost exploded when people were telling me..
u shared a double bike with that mother fucking pot of rice
haha.. haha.. what a fool i was.. what a hero pot of rice turned out to be..
it was probably one of the happiest day of his life..
haha.. u know what.. i'm glad u had a wonderful day last week..
cause mine was one of the shitest.. the shitest of the shitest days of my life..
well what do u expect from a loser anyway..

*haven seen or talked to u since that day..
it will be awhile.. cause i'm on church strike..

Sunday, May 07, 2006

the light

i have made up my mind today to start following the light..
i always question my actions..
i always feel sorry for the things i do..
and i am always overwhelmed with guilt..
when i let myself succumb easily to my own desires..
i feel the anguish and pain whenever i think about my bad habits..
but they just taste so good..
i thank god for the wonderful family i have..
since young everything has been provided with for me..
i've always gotten the things i want..
and i feel so blessed whenever i look at my own life..
yet this tiny soul of mine can never be at rest..
where is the peace i am seeking for..
where is the truth i am constanly looking for..
someone said i am in a tunnel..
staring longingly at the light at the end..
but i am still in the dark..
unwillingly to let go of my past..
refusing to start all over again and be a new person..
i told that someone i wish to walk towards the light..
but for ever step i take forward.. i fall back twice..
the light seems so faraway..
but it beckons me to come forward..
i can hear my name being called..
i can feel my heart urging me to continue my journey..
constantly reminding me that i need to get out of this freaking tunnel..
dear god.. when will u lead me out of my sinful life..
when will i stop craving for the forbidden fruit..
when will u send dream girl into my arms..
i have everything.. and i don't want anything else..
except to be loved by the girl i love..
i have made up my mind to work harder..
i will try and stop smoking..
even though it might the 1000th time i've said it..
i have stopped gambling for the moment..
but i wonder when i might be tempted again..
no more drinking as well..
no more of this shit.. no more..

*Happy Mother's Day...
** i have the greatest mother in the world..
*** i love u mummy.. and i will always love u..
**** forever and ever...

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Election Day for Singapore

i'm finally old enough to vote..
my maiden polling day..
feels the same as any other day..
PAP will still remain in power..
where will the opposition be this year..

i feel for the opposition..
they've tried hard year after year..
just like me..
but no matter how hard they try..
they just never seem to get the job done..
just like how i never seem to win your heart..

buck up mr double degree..
buck up u opposition parties..
will this year be our year?..
we'll just have to wait and find out..

one week flew by just like that..
another week of missing u..
time passes by with no meaning..
and the days i've thought of u increases..
does it matter when u have no idea u're always the gal on my mind..
i miss u baby.. this song is for u..


张善为 - 情不自禁爱上你

初见你在蓝蓝天空
微笑的眼睛完全不陌生
好想告诉你有一种感觉
相信在某生某世有过的约定
直到再见你
在灿烂星空
我无法阻挡心中的悸动
勇敢告诉你想要在一起
请让我为你守护
牵你的手拥你入梦
情不自禁偷偷爱上你
为你背叛大男人宣言
我要给你整个的世界
因为有你不再有孤单
情不自禁偷偷爱上你
带你看遍盛夏的樱花
心甘情愿为了你失心疯
但我会爱你每分每秒
甜蜜笑颜

*for u and u only..
if only u can hear it.. if only...