the light

i have made up my mind today to start following the light..
i always question my actions..
i always feel sorry for the things i do..
and i am always overwhelmed with guilt..
when i let myself succumb easily to my own desires..
i feel the anguish and pain whenever i think about my bad habits..
but they just taste so good..
i thank god for the wonderful family i have..
since young everything has been provided with for me..
i've always gotten the things i want..
and i feel so blessed whenever i look at my own life..
yet this tiny soul of mine can never be at rest..
where is the peace i am seeking for..
where is the truth i am constanly looking for..
someone said i am in a tunnel..
staring longingly at the light at the end..
but i am still in the dark..
unwillingly to let go of my past..
refusing to start all over again and be a new person..
i told that someone i wish to walk towards the light..
but for ever step i take forward.. i fall back twice..
the light seems so faraway..
but it beckons me to come forward..
i can hear my name being called..
i can feel my heart urging me to continue my journey..
constantly reminding me that i need to get out of this freaking tunnel..
dear god.. when will u lead me out of my sinful life..
when will i stop craving for the forbidden fruit..
when will u send dream girl into my arms..
i have everything.. and i don't want anything else..
except to be loved by the girl i love..
i have made up my mind to work harder..
i will try and stop smoking..
even though it might the 1000th time i've said it..
i have stopped gambling for the moment..
but i wonder when i might be tempted again..
no more drinking as well..
no more of this shit.. no more..

*Happy Mother's Day...
** i have the greatest mother in the world..
*** i love u mummy.. and i will always love u..
**** forever and ever...