First Time

bet u didn't realise.. i wanted to know you after the first time i saw you..
u looked young in the old photos i had of you...
didn't really catch my eye until the sentosa camp..
you were so cute.. all grown up yet kept some of that innocence..
u were friends with people i didn't know in church..
could not approach you.. because you are younger than me..
but i guess it was meant to happen.. sooner or later..
i was kinda of excited when you were sitting my car to sembawang..
i knew it was the chance to get to know you..
ah.. i arranged to sit at the back with you.. lol..
memories were you acted hard to get.. purposely didn't want to give me your number..
thanks for the fake number you first gave..
guess u wanted my attention of asking you a second time huh..
u laughed .. i laughed too... =)
and that was the day our friendship started...

*my miss xx...

walking past

watching a pretty girl walk past, is like losing a piece of beautiful memory..
it is like having a piece of your heart plucked out.. crushed, and thrown away forever..
from far you notice her, her beauty mesmerizing as you longingly stare..
when she gets closer, you discreetly lower your head and gaze into the ground..
and just before the moment she walks past you, you gracefully look up and smile
you look at her thin slender waist.. tracing it up you admire her perfect breasts..
after making eye contact, the creature from heaven slowly walks on..
leaving you with, a faint and flickering image of her lovely face..
you stare out at the furthest point ahead, fantasizing her turning around and calling your name..
but as you continue walking for a few more steps, the face you captured starts to get blur..
and when you finally took the courage to look back, you can't spot her..
she is gone by then.. gone forever with a little piece of your heart..

Master Foo vs Master Koh

Two kung-fu masters were carrying on about their respective skills. "Why, my reflexes are such that you will not believe," boasted Master Foo and drawing his sword, he sliced at a passing fly, which promptly dropped dead in two pieces.

"That's nothing," said Master Koh. Drawing his sword, he made two deft cuts at another passing fly.

Master Foo was highly amused. "What are you talking about?" he sneered. "That fly is still flying."

"Ah yes," replied Master Koh, "but now it can never have children."


*i haven stopped thinking about you, not one bit.. not one moment..
ah.. not sending you mp3s is like not telling you how much i love you everyday...
not sending.. won't give you my love anymore...

but it is unbearable... somehow something just doesn't feel right...

ironies in life

i vowed to love you forever.. you and you only.. no one else but you…
i never once stopped loving you.. i will never stop writing my love for you..
it hurts baby.. i’ve lost all strength to go on.. lack the determination and will to love you..
i need more time, more god.. need more faith, and most of all… i need you

why do i give up on life when i wrote i would hold on to love..
why do i praise my god when i refuse to even listen to him..
why do i love you when i don’t even love myself..
why do i try and smile everyday when my heart is crying inside..
why do i continue to stay in this artificial fantasy when my baby is waiting for me to wake up…
WHY????

*maybe you are right, i don’t mean what i write…
if i did.. i wouldn't be acting like this..
if i did.. if only i did...

goodbye

this post was supposed to be titled love fools. yet it is goodbye.
thank you for being my friend, thank you for your encouragement.
thank you for kind words, thank you for being there.

good bye my love, good bye..
i will go back to loving u in my dreams.. to miss and cry about you in my fantasies..
never will i stop thinking about you.. never will i wake up..

i was naive.. so naive..
i thought that everything would just go away.. and you would just somehow end up beside me..
why would you love someone who does not even love himself?..
i am laughing with tears in my eyes..
shouting as loud as i can that i love you.. but no voice comes out..

*don't stop being busy.. cause when u have the time for me, i'll know then that u love me
goodbye my dear.. think of me sometimes...

are we not all just love fools, looking for our little piece of heaven on this Earth..
let not love dishearten you, let not love forsake you..
always believe, always place your hope in love..
run to the secretest of secret places, and scream with the loudest of your loudest voice..
that love is the greatest of all, that love is everything worth dying for...
love everyday more than you loved yesterday, live life everyday like it was the last..
do not stop searching for the one, hold on and never let go..
love comes, love goes..
we love.. he loves..
his love is the greatest love of all..
when you are all alone, feel around..
he has always been loving you.. and he will never stop loving you..
like me not, my darling, do you not feel my love for you?...
adore me not, my baby, i don't want to live a day without you..
caress me not, my dearest, i want to be by yourself right now..
hold me not my precious.. accept me not my pretty angel..
love me not... my everything..

*bye...

ME

do you have a picture that can describe yourself?

FUCK

FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

*i changed my bong water a record 7 times today..
i am going to die young.. so going to...

True Love

Some say true love stands the test of time.
I say time is the test of true love.
Some say true love nourishes the mind.
I say true love is your heart becoming mine.

He says true love is hard to believe.
I say true love is the person you grow old with.
He says true love is kisses and more.
I say true love is the girl worth waiting for.

She says true love is love at first sight.
I say true love is me loving you right.
She says true love is poems and mails.
I say true love never fails.

They say true love is rarely seen around.
I say true love is you that I have found.
They say true love only happens to a few.
I say true love is me and you.

*i love you...

best dramas, movies and animes

just six months ago, i thought japanese anime story writers were the smartest people around.. that changed after i start watching korean movies..

memorable japanese stuff
best jap drama - God, Give me a Little More Time.. starring Kyoko Fukada
best jap anime - Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien
other sad animes - Air TV, Elfen Lied, Full Moon wo Sagashite (last few episodes), Rurouni Kenshin - Reminiscence and Naruto (episodes before 80 are sad, after that it becomes more action)
best jap Mp3 (atm) - Selenite by Rurutia.. from anime KARAS

memorable korean stuff
best korean drama - Stairway to Heaven.. starring Choi Ji-woo
other good kdramas - Sad Love Story, Lovers in Paris, Winter Sonata and Full House (comedy)
best korean movie - A Moment to Remember.. starring Son Ye-jin
other good kmovies - Windstruck, Love So Divine, Daddy Long Legs, My Sassy Girl and The Classic
best korean Mp3 (atm) - BK Love by MC Sniper.. from movie Windstruck

there goes a saying, you would not cry if you are not in pain...
some people ask me why i like to watch sad movies and dramas.. why i like to always cry watching sad animes..
you guys would not know anything about crying huh...

*are you going to just let me cry about you every night..
do you not want to wipe my tears away..
let me love you.. baby... let me LOVE you...

Alley Graffiti

For Kids
Santa Claus is not real, they are just lying to you.

For Adults
God is just an imaginary friend you like to have.

*haha.. yeah right..

A New Christmas Tradition

One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. Claus told him that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

Then when he went to harness the Reindeer, he found three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground, and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then, the doorbell rang and Santa cursed his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas Tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you, Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas Tree.

the man beside the cliff

there was a man that went hiking in the mountain at night. he was walking when all of a sudden he realised he had reached the edge of a cliff. in a panic, he fell over and clung on to the edge for his life. it was all silent and the man tried but could not seem to climb his way out. at this moment, he heard a voice that said, let go for i will catch you. the man looked around but saw no one. then the man heard, believe me and just let go. the man refused to listen as it was all dark and he could not see anything. in the morning as the sun rose, the man saw that the drop was only a few feet down.

many times, we like to live life over zealously and chase everything under the sun. but all we end up with are the countless numbers of what ifs or maybes? we hold on too tightly to the things we like and often neglect the better things that might come along. i do hear that voice bugging me to leave this imaginary comfort zone that i have created for myself. yet i am choosing to ignore it, ignoring it because you are not here.

life is more than just i or me. are we not all looking for the same thing in life? the one thing that gives everything a meaning. you are that one thing.

*if man was made with only hands and legs, why do i always dream of flying away?
flying away with you to another place...

美丽的神话

万世沧桑唯有爱是永远的神话
潮起潮落始终不悔真爱的相约
几番若痛的纠缠多少黑夜掐扎
紧握双手让我和你再也不离分

悲欢负月唯有爱是永远的神话
谁都没有遗忘古老，古老的誓言
你的泪水化为漫天飞舞的彩蝶
爱是翼下之风两心相随自在飞

*你就是我心中唯一美丽的神话

Does It Matter

Does it matter, if you are smarter than me?
Does it matter, if I occasionally smoke some G?
Does it matter, if I like to buy 4D?
I love you with all my heart, do you not see?

Does it matter, if I’m not what you expect me to be?
Does it matter, if you found out I was so lazy?
Does it matter, if I am only so tiny?
I love you with all my heart, do you not see?

Does it matter, if my love turns out to be only a fantasy?
Does it matter, if you refuse to believe I think you’re a beauty?
Does it matter, if thinking of you drives me crazy?
I love you with all my heart, do you not see?

8th August 2005

*如果不懂... 那就我決定好了... 宝贝

世界上最遥远的距离

世界上最遥远的距离，不是生与死而是我就站在你的面前，你却不知道我爱你
世界上最遥远的距离，不是我站在你面前，你却不知道我爱你而是明明知道彼此相爱，却不能在一起
世界上最遥远的距离，不是明明知道彼此相爱，却不能在一起而是明明无法抵挡这股想念，却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里
世界上最遥远的距离，不是明明无法抵挡这股想念，却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里，而是用自己冷漠的心对爱你的人掘了一条无法跨越的沟渠

*are u waiting for me?.. i'm sorry.. i am waiting for her...

a little tadpole story

once upon a time, there was a little tadpole that lived in a pond. the little tadpole was all alone and did not have any friends. there was a group of tadpoles that lived on the other side of the pond. so the little tadpole swam up to the group and watched them play. the other tadpoles were playing very happily and the little tadpole wished he could join them. one of the tadpoles from the group swam up to the little tadpole and invited him to join the group. tears rolled down the little tadpole’s eyes as he said, swim over with me to the group. the tadpole from the group looked at the little tadpole and again asked him to join the group. the little tadpole turned around and started swimming away. and when he was far enough, he shouted, SWIM OVER WITH ME... SWIM OVER WITH ME

Bench by the River

i went to my secret spot to think of you today. i decided to get out of the house as my supply is running low. i wanted to see if i could, not think about getting high for a few days. but u know, as i was walking to river, my friend called to say he had new stock. what a coincidence. of course at that moment i was so excited, as the thought of having to suffer a few dry days wasn’t very welcoming.

but at the river it suddenly hit me that maybe god was giving me a test. he wanted to see if i could stop for a few days myself. i guess i failed the test miserably. it was a depressing but moving evening as i kept on thinking about u. i know that nothing is going to happen if i remain like this. but the heartache of possible rejection has prevented me from asking you the question. i've stop loving myself. or maybe i love myself too much. i let myself indulge in this kind of feelings. i want a hope, a dream to give me the courage to change. i need you, you are my dream. i have been waiting 1 year to ask you this question yet i have not made an effort to do anything all this time. have i not done enough to move you? why haven you turn your attention on me? i know i might be rushing things, and u still might not want to get attached so young. but i need u so so badly. I NEED YOU right now.

*i don't blame you for not loving me. which dumb fuck would go out with a no-hope-druggie-piece-of-shit?

miss xx

qing ai de miss xx, besides sis and her, you are the only other girl that can make me smile. whenever we talk, u remind me of a love i would often dream about when i was young. i can't have enough of your cute jokes and teasing messages. thank you for all the encouragement you are giving me, even though you have no idea you are. i wonder that if i could grow a few years younger, might you be the one? the one that can give me the u can die for me, i can die for you kind of love.

i love your innocent smile and your a little spoilt character. girls like you will give guys a chance to spoil and pamper you. am i chasing a dream i shouldn't be chasing? have i been too caught up with my fantasies that maybe the person i'm looking for is right in front of me.

*sometimes you feel like the one.. would you like to be the one?