Miss xx's cousin

found a drinking gal pal today.. and went drinking together..
turns out that she is underage and is the last person i thought would be a drinker..
sometimes it makes me wonder...
whether life was meant to occur in a straight line..
whether the things we expect would actually turn out how u want them to be..
she's only 17 yet talks and socialises like a 20 yr old..
dresses smart and mature..
it should be becos of her work and stuff..

drinking.. one of my bad habits..
didn't expect to find someone who would drink with me..
she says she is moderating it.. but i feel that it might ruin her in future.
everything always starts with a little..
everytime we say we are in control..
but how soon will it be when she can't handle it..
i know.. i've been there.. i've seen it unfold right before my eyes..

was i wrong to encourage her to drink even more..
but who am i to say anything when i myself crave that sensation..
alcohol is merely a toy whom we adults like to play with..
it is no different like computer games.. or chocolates or even eating..
we do the things that make us feel good..
we need to destress whenever the world starts feeling unbearable..

we talked alot.. about miss xx.. about dream gal..
i never realised my cousin was in love with miss xx once..
neither did i realise miss xx felt that he wasn't her type..
i vowed to hate anyone who bullies or makes my family sad..
but now i don't know whether to be nice to miss xx anymore..

i told miss xx's cousin that miss xx drove me nuts..
i wonder whether she might end up telling her..
from our conversation it seems that miss xx seems to like me too.
as in.. like .. maybe not love.. maybe a little more than friends..
but she said that it is pretty obvious that i treat miss xx more than normal friends..
i wish miss xx was born a few yrs earlier.. but does it matter..
after all it might be the age difference that is making everything so interesting..

now it seems that i am really contradicting myself..
everyone seems to say that about me..
am i no longer in love with dream gal..
why do i keep complaining i don't have any motivation to change..
maybe i want dream gal or miss xx to accept me for who i am..
but with my smoking and drinking habits..
they won't even consider me one bit...
so it's just like the egg and chicken question..
should the egg come first or the chicken..
how am i to change in order to ask the gal to love me..
when i need the gal to love me in order to change..

*thanks.. it is really a bad analogy