Sunday, April 30, 2006

the song i wanted to send you

if u didn't know.. i've continued to make a list of all the songs i wanted to send to u...
it's just that i don't seem to take the effort to upload it to your gmail..
probably because i am so tired every weekend when i book out..
but i seem to have time to go for movies..
have time to do so many rubbish things like drinking or watching soccer..
yet i can't seem to sit down for a few mins to send u a song..
hmmm.. maybe because i don't really know what to email u..
i want to write all my thoughts.. all my feelings.. all my emotions..
do u realise that i've stopped sending u emails for almost one month now...
do u miss my emails... do u wake up everyday hoping to see a song from me?..
or are u busy studying for your exams..
busy with all the duties and responsibilites u have..
i feel sad that i've let our distance grow apart again..
sometimes i feel that u want me to approach u in church..
but i just never seem to pluck up my courage to start a conversation with u..
why.. why baby.. why do i always seem to hesitate when i see your lovely face..
u walked by me today while my back was turned against u..
u said hi.. but continued on to the toilet..
your hi sounded so beautiful.. it felt like sweet music..
nicer than everything that i've ever sent to u..
why baby.. does my heart ache every night when i think about u..
yet when i see u with your adorable hair band today..
i chose to admire u secretly from far..
laughing and grinning to myself in my own imagination...
sigh.. u looked really cute today..
but i guess u will never know that i thought of u this way today..
it's 3.49am already.. and i have wasted the whole night..
starting to feel sick again.. probably from the alcohol..
i hope i don't get a sore throat tomorrow morning..
otherwise i wouldn't have any voice to greet u when we meet in church..
baby.. this song is for u..
.... if only u can hear the wonderful lyrics..

Karen Mok - Ru Guo Mei You Ni

*i chose to love u secretly.. i chose to admire your beauty from far..
this way.. i will be able to remember your face for the next 5 days before i see u again..

**to the most beautiful girl i've ever met and will ever meet.. i love you...

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Book In Day

don't really have time to update much.. now that i am only come back on the weekends
dropped out of the sergent course... back to being a normal recruit...
national service is really no big deal.. training is tough and irritating..
but after the aches and pain.. i can feel my body growing stronger..
well i hate discipline and routine.. and i feel moody everyday in camp..
at least civil defence is not as dirty as Tekong..
but seeing so many malays with attitude problems..
makes me want to shoot them in my head..
sigh.. 5 more weeks left.. and i can get out of that stupid place..

i seem to think of u less in camp..
probably because i don't have think to stone or dream..
from the moment i wake up .. to the moment i fall asleep..
i am always occupied with something ..
marching.. exercising.. lessons.. so many things...
and when friday comes for me to book out..
the weekend just flies pass so quickly..

i saw u today in church.. u look terrific..
u must be having your exams now..
as u walk by in a hurry.. i couldn't even open my mouth to tell u i've missed u..
hmmm.. u seem ever so far..
and u rarely appear in my dreams these days..
what will happen after 2 years?..
i pray my love for u will not just fissle away..
or maybe that is not such a bad thing..

*thinking of my future girlfriend and wife..
will she be you?... will she ??...

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Today

hmmm.. the wonderful night just ended..
and i am back to where i was...
sad.. melancholic.. bored.. lonely..
dinner was nice..
but u looked and felt so much nicer than the fish and chips..
all i did over dinner was steal glances at u across the table..
i'm sure u noticed.. and u gave me back a few stares..
we talked.. small talk.. nothing much that would give me motivation..
i wanted to ask u about pot of rice.. but i guess i totally forgot about him.
i tried to foot the bill.. and we ended up playing scissors paper stone..
if u won.. u would not allow me to pay for u ..
i was up 2 nothing.. but u conned me one hand..
in the end.. u won 3-2.. hai.. i could not believe it..
scissors paper stone.. and i lost to a lady...
how dumb is that..
as a result of our little competition..
i totally forgot to keep the Fish & Co. receipt..
now that's even dumber..
i have nothing to remember this date with..
we went back to your hostel.. after grocery shopping..
your room is small and cosy.. a pretty sight..
but all i could focus on were the flowers and gifts all over your room..
i presumed were given to u by that mother pot of rice..
but i saw my gift.. some what paling in significance to the other presents..
hai.. we talked about my bad habits..
my ex drug problem.. but now my smoking and drinking...
i told u i needed motivation to change..
and i would change if i settled down..
but u told me that if i was going to change for someone..
then that change would only be temporary...
how true is that.. i am utterly speechless..
i guess u already knew what i wanted to say..
and i more or less expected that kind of answer from u ..

in the end.. i came back feeling even more sad..
angry that it turned out to be another dinner..
and not something that might or would increase my chances with u ..
hai.. i am back again.. back to my drinking and gambling..
all these will keep me company until u arrive by my side..
hmmm.. maybe until u decide to ignore me totally because of my lack of change..
i don't really care now.. i think my chances are getting slimmer

*maybe we really aren't made for each other..
maybe i need to get my act together..
maybe....

Monday, April 03, 2006

Tomorrow

i am elated.. i am estastic.. i am freaking over the moon..
i feel that my heart is going to burst..
i feel like the happiest guy on this planet.. \(",)/
lol.. DEAR DEAR.. hehehe
my dear dear (haven yet) has agreed to let me meet her for dinner..
heheh.. i will be visiting my dear dear at her hostel tomolo..
well not really visiting but just meeting her for dinner at Boon Lay..
dear dear.. u have no idea how long i have been waiting for u to say yes..

u asked me why i wanted so badly to meet u at your hostel..
u asked me why i even bothered to go down since it is so far..
why?.. because i love u so much.. that's why
because all i want is to be nice to u..
because u're the only gal i see..
because u're the only gal i think about before i fall alseep every night..

i was tongue-tied when u asked me..
i paused and hesitated .. thinking how to reply u..
i did not know how to reply u
and so blabbered something like i wanted to spend some time alone with u..
u insisted and kept on asking..
haha.. i could not imagine that u would ask me if that was what i really meant..
did u want me to say that i like u so much..
or did u want me to tell u that i am so in love with u..
heheh.. u asked whether i was saying what i felt or thought..
woah.. u really have become bolder.. more straight forward..
not like the shy shy girl u were back then..
hmmm.. maybe it's time i expressed my love for u more..
maybe it's time i tell u that i madly want u to love me..
dear dear... i love u ... and i want u to be with me..

anyway.. i've prepared a study box for u..
it is meant to encourage u while u prepare for your exams..

the study box contains:
2 Pocky - Chocolate & Strawberry
2 Potato Chips - Lays Brand
Famous Amos Cookies - No Nut & Macadamia
1 Box of Royce Milk Chocolate
1 Small Pack of Ferrero Roce Chocolate
1 Coffee Bean Special Dutch Chocolate Powder
1 Meji Grape Gummy
2 Bottles of Bird Nest
&
1 Forever Friends Figurine - U

hehehe... is the box too chocolatey?..
i hope i am not making u fat with so much chocolate..
i've given u H & Z .. then now it's U..
four more letters to go...
H U _ Z _ _ _

*soon my dear.. very soon...