gone baby gone

it's over..
she chose another asshole over me..
come on..
i can be an asshole if u need one..
haha..
horrible bitch..
didn't reply my smses or pick up my calls for 2 days..
i kept it to a minimum though..
only 2 sms per day..
and just 1 fucking miss call..
at least i preserved somewhat of my ego..
in the end..
it was just..
'sorry, i hope u find another better girlfriend'..
like hello..
i do like u..
but we are not even a thing yet...
hmmm..
just comforting myself..
flew so high..
but feeling kind of sad right now..
so what part of me u didn't like..
was i not funny enough?..
was i not patient to u?..
or did i not spend alot of money on u?..
somehow i keep thinking it's about the money part..
yeah..
it's always about the fucking money..
so what the fuck was it..
i think i deserve a better explanation..
not some stupid lame excuse u always give..
fine..
i hope the guy u chose loves u more than i do..
and spends fucking more money on you..
fucking lots more..

* L’homme est d’abord ce qui se jette vers un avenir..
** et ce qui est conscient de se projeter dans l’avenir..
(people are like dice, we throw ourselves in the direction we choose)

Stood Up

i am always confident in love..
in choosing my dates..
in choosing who i love..
but i was stood up the first time in my life..
she made me wait for 8hrs..
i had gotten ready and was waiting for her to call..
but she never did..
neither did she reply any of my messages..
in the end..
i feel asleep on the bed..
dreaming she would call..
when she finally did..
all she said was that she was sick..
and didn't tell me because she didn't want to disturb me..
omg..
what a fucking lame excuse..
i hate this feeling..
this shitty irritating feeling..
should i give her another chance?..
or should i write her off this very moment..
she asked to go out again tomorrow..
i am now unsure whether i should even be hopeful..
i don't want to join the stood up club twice..
going to bed..
not caring if she would call or not tomorrow..
good bye..
bye bye bye..

* dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions..
** better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there..

MRirian Magibon

i am crazy over magichan..
been watching her videos on youtube for awhile now..
everyday i look at her pictures or videos before i go to bed..
i know..
i am being so lame..
mei mei says i'm just retarded..
yes i know..
i am the stupidest kind of guy ever..
i love u magibon..
wherever u are..
i am thinking of u..

* if i had a single flower for every time i think of you..
** i could walk forever in my garden..

Never Was, Never Is, Never Will Be

dream gal's birthday came out 2nd prize in today's 4D draw..
0729
of course i did not buy and therefore did not win..
i bought it a couple of times in the past..
but as usual i never win any shit..
i always imagined i would ask her out for dinner..
if i win a few grand..

i would ask her like..
me: hey u know what..
hz: yes?
me: let me take u out for dinner..
hz: why leh?
me: cause i won 4D using your birth day..
hz: really?
me: how about we eat something expensive?
hz: so u only ask me out when u win 4D?
me: erh, no not really..
hz: so u wouldn't ask me out if u didn't win?
me: no la, i also wanted to thank u for helping me..
hz: help u with what?
me: win 4D la..
hz: okie..
me: so u'll go eat something with me?
hz: depends if i'm busy or not..
(hz thinking: of course i'm like so freaking busy)
me: oh okie, so when are u not busy?
hz: well, i don't really know..
me: how about next week?
hz: i have to check my schedule..
me: oh..
(me thinking: don't want then say don't want la..
no need i-want-but-i-busy bullshit..)
hz: anything else?
me: hmmm, okie then, thanks again..
hz: for what?
me: never mind.. bye
(me thinking: thanks for nothing, RRrrrrr..)

somehow this is how i feel about dream gal..
what does not belong to u will never be yours..
neither will u get something u don't deserve..
haha..
can't really be bothered with anything right now..
no job..
no car..
no money..
no gf..
no life..
someone just kill me please..

* life is like a penis.. when it gets hard, fuck it!
** life is also like a bitch.. so fuck it even harder baby!

thank god

thank god for rough and shitty times after my ord..
thank god for banging my car against my friend's one..
thank god for making me too lazy to find a job..
thank god for getting me fucking pissed with daddy..
thank god for helping me lose all my money..
thank god for making daddy ban me from using the car..
thank god for taking away all my ambitions..
thank god for making me still not talk to daddy..
thank god for causing mummy to be damned piss at me..
thank god for helping me accept being a loser..
thank god for allowing me to fuck around everday at home..
thank god for fucking up everything i do now..
thank god for making my hair stylist fuck up my hair..
thank god for giving me a i can't be fucking bothered attitude..
and finally..
thank god for letting me believe in a miracle that would never fucking happen..

* it may if a miracle happens..
** but it's called a miracle because it doesn't happen..