Growing Up

had a long and inspiring talk with mei mei last night..
realised that i am truely growing up..
i've reached a new point in my life..
where i start to see things more clearly..
suddenly feelings and emotions seem secondary..
and that life and work are more realistic..
maybe i just got bored of thinking..
dreaming of pointless things to just happen in my life..
mei mei has been right all along..
i really do feel much happier without all of my shit..
life is full of up and downs..
when times are good i feel that i can handle everything..
so motivated that nothing stands in my way..
i should really try and handle the down times with more maturity..
i easily give up and return back to my sorry state..
once problems occur or disappointment sets in..
i need to be stronger..
i want more faith to believe in the greater things that will happen..
i wish for more courage to stop my weakness..
it's not that i've become less imaginative..
it's just i feel that day dreaming don't bring results..
it does not bring disappointment..
but it gets me no where..
all i do everyday is wish for some miracle to fall out of the sky..
i want to love..
i want to get hurt..
and i want to smile whenever i fail..
i want to face the world with a never giving up heart..
with excitement and motivation..
i'm going back to church..
to start all over again..
not for dream gal or miss xx..
but for the love i have for my creator..
the one that i've always had a longing for..
the one i still refuse to acknowledge..
despite all the blessings he has bestowned on me..
welcome back happy self..
no more sad cry baby shit..

* lol.. sad dramas are starting to get boring..
** i'm into funny and happy dramas now..