i'm going crazy

i feel so shit..
don't know what to think or do..
there are times when i tell myself it is impossible..
and not to think so much about it..
but i can't..
i just can't get rid of that feeling..
it started out as something fun..
something so innocent and lovely..
that it was going to be a simple friendship..
i never thought i would start liking u..
now that i'm starting to fall in love with u..
can we go back to the first time when it didn't hurt so bad..
why am i going back to read paul's secret blog again..
it just makes me so angry reading his posts from 2 yrs back..
what pisses me off even more is the cute things that miss xx did..
jealousy.. it's raging inside me..
i told myself not to care about paul..
but i just can't help myself to read his blog..
to be honest i'm starting to understand miss xx more..
from the way she reacts to her 'i think too much cuteness'..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..
i just want to scream..
cause i feel so tormented inside..
why can't my love be more understanding..
why can't my love be greater than this immature selfish love..
why is it that i can't seem to act my fucking age..
stupid useless childish son of a &*$%..
i want to ignore miss xx for a few months..
to help myself get over her..
but i know i can't..

* it's too late to even try..
** i need to try.. really really..