Baby Pork

baby i can't seem to fall asleep..
so many million things are running thru my mind right now..
sometimes i wonder if we are meant for each other..
are we really happy spending time together..
me irritating u and u laughing at my stupidity..
should we even be holding hands when we're not officially u know..
hai.. are we running away from our responsibilities and problems..
or are we just trying to show the world a fairy tale..
i'm okie with no status and all..
cause i feel it will be easier to explain to the busy bodies who keep asking..
but sometimes i'm afraid that u'll wake up then pai pai pi gu and leave..
haha will u..
u're probably more afraid that i'll be the one doing that right..
what if i don't turn out the way u like in future..
or u get too fed up with my temper..
what if i don't devote myself to god..
or u can't stand me teasing u being fat anymore..
what if we never talk to each other again after tomolo..
what if dear.. how how..
what is the best way forward..
at times your expectations can put me off a little..
this la that la..
but then u don't say much nowadays..
so that makes me worry even more..
even though i try..
i'm worried there will never be that day..
that perfect day we both dream about..
damn it.. i hate myself..
i do.. i really do..
good night dear..
thanks for walking into my life..
miss u lots..
MUACKS!..

* 24 April 2007
** 4.20 am