The FUCKING Sadness After Happiness

i knew it..
just fucking fucking fucking knew it..
good times never last..
what is the fucking point of feeling so happy..
when u get fucked so bad the next moment..
what the fuck is after happiness..
nothing but only fucking sadness..
u deserve it..
fucking serve u right..
happy..
happy some more..
fucking imagine a happy tomorrow..
u totally fucking deserve it..
for thinking that u've finally found your true happiness..
which dumb fuck in this world would think that..
princesses, fairy tales, true love and happy endings..
would ever happen..
these are all just fucking imaginary, movie like dramas..
that would fucking happen to FUCKING NO NOBODY..

deloitte called me this morning..
for an interview next tue..
before i meet gina..
i was really really hoping that they would call me..
to at least give me a chance for an interview..
been looking for a job in a big 4..
for almost fucking 4 months already..
up to the point whereby..
i was willingly to do anything..
accept any job..
as long as it is in a big 4..
i was desperate..
miserable..
feeling so fucked up..
even my brother got a job..
before he finished national service..
after meeting gina..
i had this funny feeling..
that deloitte would be calling me soon..
it is as if something was telling me..
and i was very fucking sure..
so even though i planned to go thailand to spend time with gina..
i was very reluctant to book my air ticket..
and therefore i waited and waited..
i don't deny i wanted the deloitte job alot..
but then gina suddenly appeared in my life..
after i received the call from deloitte..
i was so fucking happy..
yet so fucking devastated at the same time..
my thailand trip is probably almost impossible now..
of course the deloitte job is more important than anything right now..
i don't think i will want to fuck this job interview up..
i need and i will fucking get a job in a big 4..
NO MATTER WHAT..
but gina gave me a glimpse of a possible future..
even though it's only a tiny glimmer of hope..
i am just thankful..
very very thankful i met u..
maybe in a few days time..
i will think that..
even if i go thailand..
and spend like 1 or 2 weeks with gina..
marrying u or spending the rest of my life with u..
is really fucking FUCKING FUCCCCCCKKKKKKING impossible..
so what the fuck am i getting depressed about..
there is nothing to think about..
except GETTING into FUCKING DELOITTE..
we are almost reaching the end..
the fucking end of my imaginary fairy tale with gina..
thank you..
thank you my dear..
thank you my dear for appearing in my life..
i will always..
always always always..
keep u close in my heart..
and i will always wear the ring u gave me around my neck..
always and always..

* true love burns the brightest..
** but the brightest flames leave the deepest scars..