The 'Stupidest' Gal in the World

why are u thinking so much..
love is not something u can plan or foresee..
if u could..
there would not be any sad people in this world anymore..
life is all about the happy moments and the sad memories as well..
don't try and force it on yourself..
if the feeling comes it comes..
if not..
then it was never meant to me..

being nice to u now..
does not mean it will suddenly change me into becoming a whole new different person..
i am still who i am..
petty..
arrogant..
selfish..
but yet..
i will always care for the one i love the most..
to put her in the number one position in my life..
u have become the most important gal in my life..

don't u get it..
nobody is perfect..
u can never find a perfect someone in this world..
where u would be happy forever..
we are bound to have arguments in the future..
and i can't promise u i won't get angry or be petty..
over something u will do in the future..

so what is the point of trying to ensure that our love is going to be problems free..
how are u going to judge whether this relationship is the final one..
u can't..
it is impossible..
i know it may be difficult for us to be together..
the fact that we work together everyday..
the so many obstacles we may have to overcome in our lives..
my stupid and crazy character..
your fragile heart that was hurt so deep previously..
but does all this matter?
what is more important is whether u have found somemore..
that u care for more than yourself..
that u will continue to try and understand him/her even more with each passing day..

i don't have the answer for everything right now..
all i will be doing..
is to ask u to hold my hand..
and walk beside me into the future..

still can't believe we even had that conversation last night..
it was as if..
she pried me open..
and peered right into the darkest and deepest side of me..
are u sure u want to know all of my secrets..
aren't u afraid that it may just scare yourself away..

bet u did not know..
that i was fantasizing about us while watching that erotic korean movie..
again u sat so close beside me..
man..
i tried so hard to resist your touch..
like when u turned and came within a few centimeters of my face..
i so wanted to pull u close..
and grab u into my arms..
wow..
u are really testing my self control and my patience..
u really are..
it is so dangerous playing with fire..
u never know when everything will just ignite..

at the end of the day..
u told me u were not sure whether u had any feelings for me..
or u just missed the feeling of someone being nice to u..
my heart shattered..

* It is better to have loved and lost.. then never to have loved at all..
** We come to love not by finding a perfect person.. but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly..