The Email You Didn’t Know – 24th June
dearest huizhen,
i wrote this while i was in camp doing guard duty.. i intend to type it into an email the first thing i reach home.. it is 7.40pm on a sat night and i am stuck here doing nothing.. i’ve spent the whole morning sleeping and eating.. had 4 hrs of duty in the afternoon doing prowling and sentry.. it’s funny they use the word prowling instead of patrolling.. me and one Malay which i just met today had to walk 2 rounds around the academy and sign our names at different check points.. that Malay was a “master” at doing duty and he taught me to sign our names twice so we did not have to do the second round... after that we spent 2 hrs at the gate lifting the barrier up and down for cars to enter & exit.. it is simple but silly and i did that for probably 50 cars…
i haven seen you much since i entered civil defense.. the last time i remembered was the service which you sat beside me.. wow, what a nice service that was.. at least i didn’t fall asleep underneath the cap.. i seem to do it very often now when i come.. then you went for the retreat.. i heard your father was admitted to the hospital and you and your sister were deciding whether to go.. but u guys went in the end.. was it fun?.. everyone complained that they did not have enough sleep.. too bad i was on course, otherwise i would have gone as well…
it feels weird suddenly writing an email to you.. haven sent you any in a long time.. i realize the times i sent you mails are when i’m very happy about something or when i am feeling very sad and down about life.. so fast pass out from basic military training phase.. going to pass out from my medic course too in 2 weeks time.. i use to think of you whenever i have the time or when i don’t feel like listening to the lesson.. i don’t know how national service has changed me.. but i have become more bitter.. slowly slipping back to that poor and sorry state i was a few years ago.. before national service, i told you that i was anticipating a huge change.. be it good, be it bad.. now i can tell you that things are slowly going downhill again.. i met some friends that reminded me about the life i once led.. the one with no responsibilities, no remorse and no regrets.. my manic depression is slowly returning.. i seem to find fellowship and Sunday service more and more irritating.. i came back to fellowship after disappearing for one month.. it was bible study.. used to be one of my favourite as it gave me the chance to ask questions about God.. to clear my doubts about faith.. yet i sat through that lesson feeling frustrated, bored and restless.. it felt like pure torture hearing all the good stuff and message.. in the end, i left the room and went downstairs to clear my mind.. i only returned when it was about to end.. sigh, i’m sure i’ll be getting baptized at the end of the year.. are faith and religion merely things i think about when i am in a good mood??.. maybe i am just a radical free thinker, like how my mother always describe me..
i want to tell you i’ve decided to let you go slowly.. for your sake and mine.. i don’t want to weep and feel hurt whenever i see you and pot of rice progressing.. slowly but steadily.. somehow, somewhere in my heart, i feel that he is a better person than me.. one that can love you and make you happier than i can.. i give the both of you my blessings (yeah like you guys need it).. this time i won’t cry saying goodbye.. it will be a cheerful farewell.. goodbye my greatest love.. i will always love you..
* M-Flo feat. Yoshika – Let Go
i wrote this while i was in camp doing guard duty.. i intend to type it into an email the first thing i reach home.. it is 7.40pm on a sat night and i am stuck here doing nothing.. i’ve spent the whole morning sleeping and eating.. had 4 hrs of duty in the afternoon doing prowling and sentry.. it’s funny they use the word prowling instead of patrolling.. me and one Malay which i just met today had to walk 2 rounds around the academy and sign our names at different check points.. that Malay was a “master” at doing duty and he taught me to sign our names twice so we did not have to do the second round... after that we spent 2 hrs at the gate lifting the barrier up and down for cars to enter & exit.. it is simple but silly and i did that for probably 50 cars…
i haven seen you much since i entered civil defense.. the last time i remembered was the service which you sat beside me.. wow, what a nice service that was.. at least i didn’t fall asleep underneath the cap.. i seem to do it very often now when i come.. then you went for the retreat.. i heard your father was admitted to the hospital and you and your sister were deciding whether to go.. but u guys went in the end.. was it fun?.. everyone complained that they did not have enough sleep.. too bad i was on course, otherwise i would have gone as well…
it feels weird suddenly writing an email to you.. haven sent you any in a long time.. i realize the times i sent you mails are when i’m very happy about something or when i am feeling very sad and down about life.. so fast pass out from basic military training phase.. going to pass out from my medic course too in 2 weeks time.. i use to think of you whenever i have the time or when i don’t feel like listening to the lesson.. i don’t know how national service has changed me.. but i have become more bitter.. slowly slipping back to that poor and sorry state i was a few years ago.. before national service, i told you that i was anticipating a huge change.. be it good, be it bad.. now i can tell you that things are slowly going downhill again.. i met some friends that reminded me about the life i once led.. the one with no responsibilities, no remorse and no regrets.. my manic depression is slowly returning.. i seem to find fellowship and Sunday service more and more irritating.. i came back to fellowship after disappearing for one month.. it was bible study.. used to be one of my favourite as it gave me the chance to ask questions about God.. to clear my doubts about faith.. yet i sat through that lesson feeling frustrated, bored and restless.. it felt like pure torture hearing all the good stuff and message.. in the end, i left the room and went downstairs to clear my mind.. i only returned when it was about to end.. sigh, i’m sure i’ll be getting baptized at the end of the year.. are faith and religion merely things i think about when i am in a good mood??.. maybe i am just a radical free thinker, like how my mother always describe me..
i want to tell you i’ve decided to let you go slowly.. for your sake and mine.. i don’t want to weep and feel hurt whenever i see you and pot of rice progressing.. slowly but steadily.. somehow, somewhere in my heart, i feel that he is a better person than me.. one that can love you and make you happier than i can.. i give the both of you my blessings (yeah like you guys need it).. this time i won’t cry saying goodbye.. it will be a cheerful farewell.. goodbye my greatest love.. i will always love you..
* M-Flo feat. Yoshika – Let Go
posted by babyweed at 11:37 PM
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